Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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