I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
