yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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