Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You can't motorboat a personality
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
