just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
