ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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