I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
