I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
