Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
