I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
