i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
