You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
