my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
