My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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