guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
