words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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