Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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