Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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