Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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