Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
