"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
