Umm I'm too high to move.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
