Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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