There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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