Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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