I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
