Too much gin, very little bucket
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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