Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
