I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
