How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
