dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
