apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
