I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
