I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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