yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
