Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
