How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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