Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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