Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
