Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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