at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
