my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
