took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
