she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
