how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
