can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
