Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it because I queefed?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
