i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
