I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
