dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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