im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
