Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
