I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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