do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
false alarm, still single
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
