Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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