he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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